When I was a child I remember my father telling me that it was an illness. An inherent trait that would ruin my life. Though I saw all that he went through, no way could that be me....let's face it, I'm too cool for that. I used to take pride in being the "life of the party." Give me a couple of drinks and no one has more personality. I wore it as a badge of honor when the "old heads" said they never saw a young boy drink like that. To a degree my drinking replaced the love for athletics I had in my life.
Enough with speaking as though I have an excuse, the first two sentences of the last paragraph tell you that can't be true. This illness has taken much from me, much of which I'll never be able to get back. Family, friends, jobs, opportunities to fulfill the purpose He placed on my life....and I've traded them for a drink. I fool myself say I can have one beer, one glass of wine....and an hour later I'm knee deep in shots of whatever hard liquor you have around.
What hurts the most is the blacking out. The coming to the next morning I have no clue what happened the night before. Looking at the texts, and missed calls. Trying to apologize to people you've hurt for things you can't even remember. Letting down people who give you their all, disappointing people who would run through a brick wall for you. That's the part that hurts.
I'm not saying I get drunk everyday. Not saying I just drink the day away. I'm saying when I drink it's a bad situation, so I should never drink. Ever. I apologize to everyone I've ever hurt or offended in my drunken stupors. I know these words don't make up for any of it, just hope they can be the first bricks on a road to reconciliation. I ask for your prayers, I ask for your love. I thank you for your support, and your prayers. I ain't going nowhere, and I'm not closing down the blog. Just letting you know the reality of my life. Far be it from me to have you all thinking I'm picture perfect, because I'm far from that. I struggle like you....maybe more so in some cases. Let's build this Kingdom family.
BE BLESSED BE FAITHFUL